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Football Weekly Vol V - Postcard From A Friend

This week the big bad burly Owls face Y.O. Ming noted Chinese author, surgeon, badminton champion, and a Cowboy.  The theme this week is “Bring an Author to June Lockhart Stadium” and the invited dignitaries include the authors of such classics as “Yellow River” by I.P. Daily, “Dash to the Outhouse” by Willie Makeit & illustrator Betty Wont, “Under the Bleachers” by Seymour Butz, “40 Years in the Saddle” by Major Buttburn, and last and certainly least “Poop on the Wall” by Hoo Flung Poo. 

Interesting sidebar #1 – Hoo Flung’s inspiration for her classic novel was her beloved chimpanzee Bobo that lives with her in her Hong Kong flat.

Interesting sidebar #2 – Never feed Bobo prunes.

Back to the game, FAU finds itself (did it even know it was lost?) at 0-3, a record that looks much better when held up to a mirror, and in desperate need of a win.  I gave Coach Schnellenberger (hereinafter referred to as Coach S in the interest of time and to help lessen the keystrokes I have to make thus saving myself from the debilitating effects of carpe Lincoln tunnel diem syndrome a rare but deadly disease that effects mostly stenographers and bloggers and has them running madly through the Lincoln tunnel seizing motorists and yelling “Captain my Captain” at the top of their lungs) a call. 

Cut to me making a phone call, can you hear the buttons on my phone being pushed, if you can seek immediate medical attention?

Me:  Hi Coach Schnellenberger, is it OK if I hereinafter refer to you as Coach S in the interest of time and to help lessen the keystrokes I have to make thus saving myself from the debilitating effects of carpe Lincoln tunnel diem syndrome a rare but deadly disease that effects mostly stenographers and bloggers and has them running madly through the Lincoln tunnel seizing motorists and yelling “Captain my Captain” at the top of their lungs?

Coach S:  (snoring)

And now for something completely different - interesting sidebar #3

The history of the middle finger (I verified with Snopes that this may be true and it may not be true but it could be false and made up but maybe not)

Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew!  Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!  It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing!

You may be asking yourself “self, has the author of FAU Football Weekly a weekly look at FAU Football completely lost what little of his mind he has left,” and if you are you are very loquacious and like to use lots of words when you talk to yourself, and you may be wondering “self, what does this fascinating historical sidebar have to do with this Saturday’s game at June Lockhart Stadium between our beloved big bad burly bowels…oops got carried away with the alliteration…I mean Owls & renowned Chinese Cowboy Y.O. Ming,?”  Well, f you will stop talking to yourselves for just a minute I will tell you.  If you plug in Y.O. Ming wherever you see “French” and FAU Owls wherever you see “English” and instead of “Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415” plug in “Before the football game in 2009” and instead of “impossible to draw the renowned English longbow” with “impossible to get in a 3-point stance” I think you get the idea, I have no idea but hopefully you get the idea.  It has to be time for my meds.  Until next time always remember to...

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